You Don’t Have to Earn Rest

Redefining Productivity and Self-Worth

It’s a slow week for me: not many clients have booked, a few have stopped coming to counseling, and the referrals and new inquiries have been particularly dry. Normally, I would be in a bubble of anxiety over money or progress notes but this week, I noticed the feeling of peace and balance…

And then the guilt set in.

Cue the image of me trying to force the mental door shut on all of the “should bes” “could bes” and “need to bes”. 

You should be cleaning the house!

You could be reworking your marketing plan!

You need to be doing something productive!

And okay, in full transparency, that’s why I’m writing this blog post right now. To be productive. But I also thought that writing this down could be sort of therapeutic for me (and possibly for someone else) because what the heck does productive even mean? And why are we so obsessed with it?

It has me really thinking about where this comes from for me and for others like me who can’t relax unless they’ve “earned it”. I know I’m not the only one because I talk to clients and other clinicians all the time about self-care. One of my signature phrases is even “Give yourself permission to just be a person”. But as with most things, it’s so much easier said than done, right?

Here in the U.S., our views are heavily influenced by capitalism. Hustle culture is the standard, and everything you’re good at should apparently be monetized. It’s so easy to fall into the Go Go Go mindset. But the pitfall is that we start tying our self-worth directly to what we produce.

If you’re still skeptical, just think about one of the first things we ask when meeting someone new:

“What do you do?”

You know they aren’t asking what you do for fun or what creative project you’re working on. I’m certain if I responded with, “Oh, I watch scary movies, crochet, and read!” I’d get funny looks. It’s not What do you choose to do with your time? It’s What do you do that earns you money?

Okay, so how do we shake this and reframe it? Well, that’s what I’ve been stewing on too.

The first thing we need to do is evaluate: What do we like to do? What brings us peace in an incredibly chaotic world? What gives us balance? What do we value?

Then we have to decide how to protect that part of us. When the battering ram of “productivity” is ever persistent, perhaps it’s time to redefine what’s productive. There will always be something to do, some task to complete, or some work we could scrounge up on a day off. But what happens if we put self-care in the same priority bucket?

If we start viewing our time doing “nothing” for what it really is, time spent taking care of ourselves and our quiet needs, then it becomes much easier to protect it. It becomes easier to release the guilt, because we don’t have to earn this time. It’s inherent and necessary.

If we keep seeing downtime as a luxury, then it will keep being treated as one. And any time spent in this headspace of self-care will continue to feel indulgent instead of essential maintenance.

Think of it like windshield wiper fluid in a car.

It’s probably not something you think about 99% of the time while driving. You can go a long time without even noticing it’s low.

But all it takes is one day when you can’t see clearly and there’s not enough fluid to clear the window, and suddenly you’ve got a dangerous situation on your hands.

Sometimes people think of self-care as something only people with time can do, or they picture big, fancy activities like a salon day, a concert, or a vacation. But self-care, in its truest form, is simply caring for yourself. It’s right there in the name! Whatever that looks like for you, that’s valid. It might be gaming with friends, a quiet night reading, a cup of your favorite tea, or time outside in the sun. Whatever it is, it’s your windshield wiper fluid. You won’t notice it’s running low until you really need it. But by then, you’re burnt out and in danger.

So all of this is just to say: taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. Life is expensive as heck, and we all have bills and responsibilities, but we also need to take care of our minds.

Use your PTO. Take a sick day. Skip a few chores once in a while. And remember that guilt is the brain’s way of saying, “I’m doing something wrong.” But I’d challenge that thought by asking: Where did we learn that taking care of ourselves is wrong? And who benefits from us believing that?

It’s time to give ourselves permission to just be a person, not a product.